Black Widow

A Mazebert TD card by Alex Nill

The Black Widow had nearly finished emptying her late husband’s bank accounts, when goblins stormed Metropolis State Bank. Now, she has her eyes on a new prize.

“Stay out of our way, and you might live,” says the goblins’ leader, a nasty thug named Krarll. Krarll is standing near the bank’s entrance, and he is brandishing an extravagant sword that the Widow knows is not his. The goblin’s flunkies have spread themselves throughout the bank. They are ransacking the place, taking every shiny coin and piece of jewelry they can find. But the Widow knows Krarll is holding the real treasure, because somehow, he has managed to get hold of Excalibur, King Arthur’s sword.

And now, the Widow is going to make it hers.

“That is it,” says the Widow, standing and stomping toward Krarll, before any of the goblins have time to react. “That is absolutely the last straw. I can’t put up with this any longer.”

“Can’t put up with what?” asks Krarll, surprising even himself. The goblin has never before been attracted to anything other than weapons and gold; his brain is having trouble processing the Widow’s beauty.

“Not kissing you,” says the Widow. “I simply must know what it’s like to kiss a goblin as handsome as yourself. I imagine it will be quite wonderful.”

The Widow leans in close, taking Krarll’s cheek in her right hand and his right hand in her left. By the time the Widow’s finished kissing Krarll, Excalibur is hers. The Widow removes her lips from Krarll’s and places the sword to his throat.

“Yes, a fantastic kiss,” says the Widow, smiling. “Absolutely to die for. Or it will be, if you don’t let me walk out of here right now.”

After a bit of back and forth, Krarll shows the Widow to the door. The Widow had planned to skip town anyway, but now she knows exactly where she’s going: Camelot. Because she imagines that if he’s still alive, King Arthur will pay a king’s ransom to retrieve the sword that makes him sovereign.

Damage progression

Level	Base damage
1	15-27
2	19-35
3	22-42
4	26-48
5	29-55
6	33-61
7	36-68
8	40-74
9	43-81
10	47-87
11	51-95
12	55-101
13	58-108
14	62-114
15	65-121
16	69-127
17	72-134
18	76-140
19	79-147
20	83-153
21	87-161
22	90-168
23	94-174
24	97-181
25	101-187
26	104-194
27	108-200
28	111-207
29	115-213
30	119-221
31	122-228
32	126-234
33	129-241
34	133-247
35	136-254
36	140-260
37	143-267
38	147-273
39	151-281
40	155-287
41	158-294
42	162-300
43	165-307
44	169-313
45	172-320
46	176-326
47	179-333
48	183-339
49	187-347
50	190-354
51	194-360
52	197-367
53	201-373
54	204-380
55	208-386
56	211-393
57	215-399
58	219-407
59	223-413
60	226-420
61	230-426
62	233-433
63	237-439
64	240-446
65	244-452
66	247-459
67	251-467
68	255-473
69	258-480
70	262-486
71	265-493
72	269-499
73	272-506
74	276-512
75	279-519
76	283-525
77	287-533
78	290-540
79	294-546
80	297-553
81	301-559
82	304-566
83	308-572
84	311-579
85	315-585
86	319-593
87	323-599
88	326-606
89	330-612
90	333-619
91	337-625
92	340-632
93	344-638
94	347-645
95	351-653
96	355-659
97	358-666
98	362-672
99	365-679