Pumpkin - the only use I could see would be to stop muli from buying booze => cube it
Wooden Staff / Wet towel - both of them have next to no value => cube it
Baby Sword / Well done T-Bone - well those two can at least make a difference => use early then cube it
School Book - somewhat useful for Scientists or Dark Forge
Leather Boots - useful for on hit towers like Scientist, Thief, Beaver/Huli
Monster Teeth - beats well done t-bone once you've stacked a few potions, but otherwise fairly uninteresting
Medium T-Bone - decent mid game dps item which beats out most other mid-game options for carry / aoe dmg support
Gold Coins - place on highest level thief if you still need gold - otherwise cube it
Ring of Greed - might be worth keeping 1-2 around in case your carry can handle wasting a spot for it otherwise it's rarely worth the danger of leaking.
Handbag - great for Knusperhexe, somewhat useful on a thief in early game and well if you carry with Black Widow it's amazing. (still think the level bonus could be a bit higher)
Longbow - definitely worth keeping around for air waves (since it's an outside multiplier it can be about as valuable as a rare t-bone)
Magic Mushroom - leather boots 2.0 other than the usual on-hit suspects it also works well on balu (-20% damage is nothing compared to his dmg% growth).
Noris Steel - by itself it beats medium t-bone at lvl 30, with the set it's a poor man's rare t-bone. Definitely worth keeping
Noris Guardian - until you get Genesha this item gives a noticable xp boost and the set bonus makes it worth taking over other uncommons most of the time. For a scientist it's always useful.
Lucky pants - I'd rank this between leather boots and mushroom for proc based towers unless you already have lots of witches.
Paintng of Solea - uhhh well the downsides outweigh the upsides on this one (+15% proc at best with 20% chance to miss) so it's probably best used on a high attackspeed tower (black widow, muli, witch) for the bonus xp but beware the damage loss.
Meat Mallet - pretty much the best item you can put on your aoe support. On the carry it's generally a dps loss since crit is much more powerful than dmg%.
Seven-League Boots - Leather Boots 3.0 except Mushroom is stronger on a lvl 40+ tower. I just like to stack those on my muli/huli for maximum stun. Also a decent dps item in general.
Rare T-Bone - pretty much the best non-unique dps item.
Fistful of Steel - place in any witches within 1 square of your carry tower for some free crit
Herb Witch's cauldron - place in any witches adjacent to your carry/proc based support (in my general setup that would be the ones at 7/8
Key of Wisdom - fill up Genesha with those and after that place as many as possible on your witches. Great way to get the witch/widow auras leveled up.
Excalibur - probably the strongest carry item in the game.
Helm of Hades - unless your tower doesn't benefit from range (trapper, scarcrow somewhat) this often allows for a lot of extra hits. Very important for 2 range carry, situationally useful for 3 range carry.
Messerschmidt's - with some micromanaging this can be devastating against mass and normal waves, just remember to remove it for any boss wave. Pretty much a must have for Hitman carry.
Range will go: 6->4, 5->3, 4->2, 3->2, 2->1, 1->1.
Dungeon Door - as long as your setup is somewhat stable this is just free items once in a while - preferably placed on Ganesha for higher proc chance.
My "dream setups"
Dungeon door in Ganesha
As many keys as possible placed in Genesha > Witches > Manitou
A handful of aura items to support my carry (100% crit must have)
Carry with Excalibur and T-Bones, Hades if 2 range , Messerschmidt's to clear mass/normal
4xMallet on Bear Trapper
Mushrooms/Seven-Leagues on Balu
Handbags on Knusperhexe
Haha you weren't kidding when you said it'd be more biased. Despite my heavy disagreement toward many statements. One can not argue that this is an awesome starting point for anyone unfamiliar with the game. I say starting point because inevitably each person finds their own way. ultimately, once again another great guide and a good read too! I look forward to the next installment :D
Does the missed attack still give xp to the scientist? But even if it does I think pure attackspeed or xp items are better for scientists. I've already mentioned the witch and think it works well on her.
Forgot Dark Blade since I've never seen it drop - ever and that is even though I had lvl 80+ DF in several games. I probably wouldn't rank it that high anyway since the xp loss on top of the reduced xp gain seems like a bummer.
Yes missed atks still count for scientists since the exp gain is given for attacking and not for hitting.
About dark blade:
By the time it drops my carry usually has about 80% or more crit chance and very high crit dmg so multi crit kinda has a massive impact
The experience loss usually gets compansated by the keys on ganesha and the carry gets about 95% of all kills anyways
If the blade drops (so far 1 time 2 drop and 2 times one) I usually can rush the last 10 to 30 lvls